A Story of Spirtual Growth

It has been six years since my first exposure to Yoga and four years since earning my Yoga Teaching certificate and I have come to a place of deep gratitude for my practice, both on and off the mat, as well as for my many spiritual teachings along the way. Much of my gratitude is for the realization that Yoga has brought me to a better place in life, albeit the process has been slow. Honestly, it has been slower than I had ever hoped for. As much as I do not want to admit it, I must say there have been times that I was very disappointed with what Yoga was doing for me spiritually. At times I wondered, is this helping, and even more often I put myself down for not living up to my perceived Yogic standards. Looking back, I have come to realize that the transformation has been slow, but nevertheless it is there and it is truly marvelous. My journey has evolved and I am physically, emotionally and spiritually stronger than I have ever been. My first progression came in receiving the physical benefits of power, grace and stamina, and along the way it ultimately lead to consistent rhythmatic breathing, less stress and a feeling of being healthier from the inside out. As my physiological and psychological health strengthened, my spiritual health started to blossom and my own divine nature started to appear. I cycled through different forms of Yoga throughout these periods, all of which I benefited from. Yoga and everything that it entails; a path to finding your true self and simply living a healthier and more complete life comes through consistent practice. The key elements to success are ‘practice’ and ‘patience’; as with all things in life, it takes practice and patience to achieve our goals. There are limbs or branches of Yoga that lead to spiritual transformation, essentially they break down to living fully and ethically and practicing asana (poses), meditation, deep contemplation, and breathe work. Yoga has been a vessel that has enabled me, and so may others, to follow my heart, to open my mind and to blossom into my true self; this is how it has Saved my Life.

The journey
Anxiety, unadulterated grief, and depression brought me to Yoga. I admit it was selfish; I wanted Yoga to heal me. Of course I desired the healing to be sooner than later. My strong ambition, ultimately my ego, drove me to teacher training in the first place, rather than a much needed retreat or healing center. I felt that I needed an acceptable way to heal and strive forward and having a goal, or an outcome, that included a new path was acceptable. I had not learned to ‘Just Be’ in any sense of the word. Not exactly the poetic entrance coming from the world of dance or from a deep spiritual path. In fact, I humbly struggled through every pose; with a tight and tense body and mind, making meditation almost impossible for my over-charged mind. Admittedly, anger, frustration and embarrassment welled up inside of me often, but I stayed the course. Upon completion, not having anywhere to go, I dove head first into teaching. Disappointment that first year was everywhere as my anxiety did not seem to abate and furthermore I lacked a sense of comfort as well as confidence in my teaching. Over time, and through many life transitions, going through cycles in my practice and teaching, with at times a lack of true faith, but something stronger than myself kept me coming back for more. Eventually, my deeper issues started to unfold before my eyes and I started to have deep gratitude for the joy than I was receiving from my practice. This is essentially what sets Yoga apart from other modalities of fitness and health. Yoga is a path that not only gets you into great physical shape, but that is only the beginning of this awakening path; even when your physical body is strong your mind and spirit may not be. True harmony occurs as your body learns to connect back with your mind and your spirit and they all start working with each other, rather than separate or against each other, as they do for many of us. The very issues that we learn to suppress and repress start unfolding, and we learn to deal with them and release their negative impact on our lives. Yoga enables us to have the courage and the tools to break down the beliefs and negative emotions that cause us pain, suffering and illness. It gives us a systematic approach that allows the transformation to occur at our own pace relative to our current awareness or state of consciousness. Each person’s path is different, yet we use the same tools to get there. My journey has been slower than I anticipated, and it is still unfolding, but it has progressed at a pace that I can handle. At times there has been little mobility and at other times I have taken huge strides forward where I was able to work deeper, and low and behold, during those times my practice flourished. My body started to open as emotions, unnecessary belief patterns and tensions released.

I am learning to have faith that my path will continue to unfold systematically, when I am ready emotional, spiritually and physically for the next step, it literally unfolds for me. My healing journey illustrates this beautifully and it is my hope that it will bring light to others, not only to find their path, but to be patient and stay the course in order for Yoga to be a vessel for this unfolding. Too often we are not unconsciously ready for the next step even though consciously we are begging for it. When something negative presents it self in our lives, we immediately desire and even obsess on how to fix it, how to get rid of the negative to the point of causing more negative emotions and thoughts. I have learned this concept the hard way, by living it. My anxiety only got worse as I pushed and pulled to relieve it. These are the deepest benefits of Yoga. Our egos push us harder making us want transformation right now and for some it comes easily and for others it takes precious time. Regardless of the path or timing, the end result is worth it.

Namaste,

Stacy Ruse